Shattered
by Teris Xenite
Summary: A thought on how Jax might react to the events of 6x9. Jax POV Spoilers.


Disclaimer: I do not own, control or profit from the usage of these fine characters. That would be Mr. Sutter. Love your work!

Shattered

Teris

Jax Teller never thought that he'd see Tara sleeping with their baby in her arms and a gun in her lap. It was obvious that she'd been expecting trouble. The gun was proof of that. He wasn't sure if she was more afraid of him or his mother at this point. He was sure that she hadn't meant to fall asleep, but it had been hours since the conversation with Lowen and she'd gotten precious little sleep in the last few days. He'd thought it was grief for their child that had stolen her sleep. Instead, it had been guilt for what she'd been preparing all this time. At least he hoped it was guilt.

Instead of coming home after he'd confirmed his mother's heartbreaking accusations, he'd taken a ride. He'd run from his own demons after his talk with the girl who'd thrown a rock through his window, who he had to admit he felt a kinship with. He couldn't blame her. It was a desperate act, blind rage when the pain faced was too great to ignore, and impossible to stop. Much as his pulling a gun on Lowen had been. Desperation had been known to make a man do stupid and foolish things, and he was sure at least some small part of him would feel guilty tomorrow for frightening her so badly. But he had to know.

He'd ridden till the sting of betrayal had burned into clarity. He hadn't been a model husband. He was the first to admit that. He'd lied. And though Tara hadn't known it, he'd cheated, far more recently than Ima, and with no better reason. He'd gotten the woman that he loved kidnapped, grievously injured, and almost killed. She was looking at hard time for the crime of trying to help him and bring comfort to an angry grieving man. She'd seen people beaten bloody, raped, killed. It was no wonder that she wanted to leave him. And less so that she wanted their children safe from men who would send explosives into their home or bullets into all too fragile bodies.

Death had surrounded him of late. He'd lost family, friends, and now it seemed his marriage. He couldn't find the rage that his mother had obviously been expecting. In its place, was a crushing sense of failure. He'd ruined this. One of the only things he'd valued. He cursed himself for not being more, better, stronger. Tara, his sweet, brave, beautiful Tara had been desperate enough to do something like this. And he hadn't known.

He's broken every promise he's ever made her. He's kept secrets when he promised honesty. Found comfort in other women's beds when he'd promised fidelity. Seen her hurt and scared when he'd promised her protection and comfort. He'd promised her that they'd leave, only to stay time and time again. That ends now. He'd promised her that they'd be together until death, and he didn't plan to break that promise. It is the only one that he has left.

He slides the gun away from her, puts the safety on and slides it into the waistband of his jeans. He's sick that she'd thought she'd need that kind of protection from him. She stirs when he bends down and presses a kiss to Thomas' forehead. She wakes as he pulls him from her arms and gently puts him into his crib. This has been her greatest gift to him, and he will honor that. There is wariness in her eyes when she realizes that the gun is no longer on her lap, and she doesn't speak when walks over to her and falls to his knees in front of her chair.

She doesn't breathe as he takes her injured hand in his and presses a kiss to the cast. She doesn't speak when his eyes meet hers and fill with tears. It's not till he speaks that she breaks. The words he gives her are wholly unexpected, he can tell. She had not expected to hear, I'm sorry. She could never have dreamed of hearing, I understand. As he promises to give her what she wants, a life away from the club for her and their beautiful boys, she sobs, her hands find him and pull him close. He feels every teardrop washing away all the blood and wrong. When she stills, when all is quiet he makes her tell him everything.

The next morning he calls Lowen, and asks her to draw up different paperwork. He signs his name to separation papers, papers giving her full custody of their children. He packs their car, straps the boys into their car seats, and tries not to let them see his heart breaking as he kisses them goodbye. He reminds her of the gun in the glove box, and the burner cell she's to use if she needs him. He kisses her one last time, and watches her drive away with their boys.

Then he goes to catch an Irish king, so that his children will grow up with their mother. If he lives through this, he will find her. He will fight for her, and he will win her back. He will hold her in his arms and fix what has been broken. For now, the best that he can do is this. For now he can love them enough to let them go.

AN: I'm pretty sure that this will get blown out of the water next Tuesday, but the image of Tara holding her baby in one hand and a gun in the other was very powerful for me. This is how I'd love for things to work out, but since this show seems to exist to break my heart in all the best of ways I'm not holding out much hope. As for Tara, yes, what she's done is wrong. But look at me and tell me you wouldn't do the same damn things to get your babies away from a situation where they escape from a bomb by only seconds. As always thanks for reading , and if you like it kindly leave a review.


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